How to coach through uncertainty and overwhelm

My favorite coaching tool for navigating uncertainty and overwhelm is the Circle of Influence. It is extremely versatile—great for managers, mentors, and even self-coaching—and does not require any special materials or training to get started.

Since these topics come up frequently, I love having an exercise that is equally at home on a whiteboard or the back of a napkin, and I hope it is just as helpful to you. This post will give you everything you need to utilize this tool, including some examples of when to use it, so be sure to bookmark it for easy reference.

What is the Circle of Influence?

In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey introduced a framework he called the Circle of Concern/Circle of Influence as part of his first habit, being proactive. Covey said that we can be intentional about where we focus our time and energy, but making that choice requires self-awareness and an understanding of where we can make an impact. His approach to assessing the situation is to separate all of your concerns into three categories: what you can control, what you can influence, and everything else.

The things you have complete control over are in your Circle of Control. These are concerns you can resolve on your own without anyone’s involvement or input. It is 100% up to you how you do it and whether or not it happens. Your words, your tone, your actions – these things are in your Circle of Control.

A little further away, but still within your reach, is your Circle of Influence. This section is for things you can do something about, although your influence might be direct or indirect. Examples of concerns in this category could be relationships, the atmosphere in a meeting, or the culture of your team. Generally speaking, you play a part, but you are not the only player.

Outside your Circle of Influence is everything else. This section is for concerns or things that interest you where your individual actions will not have a substantial impact on the situation. The economy, the weather, and even some company policies might fall outside your circles and into the category of everything else.

The key to escaping the stickiness of uncertainty is remembering to point your energy toward being proactive about things within the Circles of Control and Influence. Letting everything else go can feel like being relieved of a burden, making the next steps more manageable. And many people find it easier to do that after acknowledging the concerns that did not fit into the other circles – they are no less real than the other topics, but there is little to be gained by spending your precious resources of time and energy on things you can neither influence nor control.

Why do you need this tool?

Over the past few years, there has been a lot of talk about how to live and lead in a VUCA world. Though it started to make its way into business jargon in the mid-2010s, interest in VUCA jumped to its peak in early 2020 and has remained high ever since. Perhaps this is no surprise, as that period has seen us move through various stages of the pandemic, a range of socio-political movements, recessions, layoffs, and other crises far beyond the scope of this article to list.

Much of the advice I have seen has been about strategy or decision-making, along with some encouragement to stay close to employees. And these are all great, big-picture suggestions. But when someone is sitting in front of you in a 1-on-1, struggling to set priorities because they are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, you need a way to zoom in and come up with more bite-sized solutions. Imagine yourself in this situation; what are your instincts?

Like many of us, you might want to sweep in, clarify their priorities, or offer reassurances. None of those are bad impulses, and sometimes they can be helpful in the moment; however, it can also be powerful for your team members to come to those realizations themselves. And there are many benefits to this.

First, when utilizing a coaching tool instead of giving advice, you convey that you believe in someone’s resourcefulness and ultimately trust that they are capable. You are not leaving the person to figure it out on their own. You are there beside them, talking through the exercise and helping them access any resources they need to move forward while also trusting them enough to leave the ownership in their hands. How empowering!

Second, it can increase their self-efficacy. This benefit extends beyond the current situation because they will inevitably face uncertainty or have to make a difficult decision again. By guiding them through this process instead of handing them a solution, they will develop hands-on experience that can boost their confidence while giving them a resource they can return to, even when you are not by their side.

Third, it increases the likelihood that more people will learn how to sort through their concerns and identify the handful of things within their control. If your team member succeeds with this practice, there is a good chance they will teach it to a colleague or incorporate it into a meeting. It is a tool that everyone should have in their kit, so aim to teach it to as many people as you can.

How to use the Circle of Influence as a coaching tool

Start by noticing the need to organize a swirl of ideas (or concerns) and transition from feeling overwhelmed to having a plan. If you notice this need in someone other than yourself, reflect on that observation – without judgment – and ask if they would be open to trying a thought exercise for working this out.

From here, there are a few ways you can go about this. Sometimes a “brain dump” where you take a few minutes to pour out all the things you are worried about can be a good starting place. Once everything is written down, begin sorting them into categories––which of these concerns do you have total control over, which do you have some influence on, and which fall outside those categories? This approach works best if you are working online or using a shared document because it will be easy to reorganize the concerns as you go. That said, if you use paper or a whiteboard, you can use some notations to signal those categories, like crossing out the concerns you have no control over and circling the ones with full control. At this point, you can explain the Circles of Control, Influence, and Concern and reflect on how the categories you created correspond with the Circle model.

In other cases, you might want to offer a brief explanation of the Circles of Control concept and begin by drawing a set of concentric circles. The template approach can be better suited for situations where you are writing on a piece of paper or a whiteboard, since reorganizing the list of concerns is difficult without erasing or rewriting everything. With this approach, you sort the concerns into categories as you brainstorm them. Sometimes people write down fewer topics when beginning the exercise with the circles in front of them, self-editing their topics or limiting the list to fit the space. Be sure to allow time to review the model, and check if there is anything else to include, then reflect on whether any of the concerns should be moved to a different ring or broken down into smaller pieces.

No matter how you begin the exercise, once the concerns are sorted into circles, there are still a few things to do before moving on. The next step is to ask some reflection questions:

How did you feel before doing this exercise? How do you feel now? What has changed?
Which Circle has been getting most of your attention?
What do you notice when looking at your Circles? For example, are there some with more items than others?
What are your takeaways from this exercise?

Now, you can shift into action. Begin by focusing on the contents of the Circle of Control. As a manager, you might want to guide your team member in connecting these items to ongoing projects or responsibilities. Ask questions like: How do you want to take ownership over the things in this circle? What is the first, bite-sized step you can take on this item? When will you do it? Help ensure they are not describing big, multi-step projects instead of discrete actions and challenge them to calibrate if the goals seem unrealistically big (or too small to be impactful).

If there are many items within the Circle of Control, you may need to prioritize and choose just one or two to focus on at the start. Other times, it can be worth deciding on a specific action for each item in that category. In that case, it can help to arrange a time to follow up and see how things are progressing; both to provide support and to ensure that overwhelm does not bubble up again.

Also, look at the Circle of Influence and consider what you want to do about those items. Often motivation comes from taking action rather than the other way around. Even though resolving these things depends on factors outside your control, setting some changes into motion can bring relief. Topics on the influence list might also be an area where, as a manager, you can offer help or plan to take steps of your own. Even if you cannot drive an immediate change, you can still have a positive impact by discussing concerns with transparency as is appropriate for the situation (knowing a person’s top motivators is a great help when tailoring communication like this!).

When should I use this tool?

The Circles model is helpful whenever you or someone you lead is feeling stuck in indecision, struggling to set priorities that feel impactful, or getting bogged down by a sense of overwhelm and helplessness.

This might include periods of transition, such as company-wide reorganization, the departure of a colleague, or the assignment of a new project. Sometimes the changes are not only work-related, and incorporating concerns from any aspect of your life when doing the exercise brings the best results.

Other situations include performance-related struggles, like when someone is frustrated with their results or feels like they are working hard without seeing the outcomes they expect, which can be a good use case for the Circle of Influence model since it helps clarify the best places for proactivity. Similarly, someone who is working long hours and looking for a way to prioritize their activity more effectively might gain insight from reassessing the things on their to-do list from this perspective.

It could also be helpful for other professional development conversations, such as when someone is trying to map out the steps they can take to expand their skills or move closer to a promotion. Job searching is another area where this process could help break a big process into smaller, better-prioritized pieces.

As a leader, going through this exercise with a team member might bring new insight into how they view a situation and approach their responsibilities. It could also be useful when looking for new ideas to ensure goal alignment, improve motivation, or support your team’s learning and development.

Overall, I find that the Circles of Influence is like a coaching multitool – it works in so many situations and is easy to have on hand. The process is easily repeated, applicable to any context, and strikes a great balance between acknowledging broader concerns without dwelling on the things outside your control. By focusing your energy on actionable priorities, it is possible to shift from overwhelmed inaction to taking meaningful steps forward.