When I was asked to write about authenticity, I didn’t even know it was a thing. Here was my first draft:

“Just be yourself. Unless you’re a jerk, then don’t be that way. THE END.”

Admittedly, not a great blog article, and once I did some research I realized there’s a lot more nuance to the topic of authenticity. And while it’s nice to think that all businesses would support authenticity (after all, they hired you for a reason), that’s not the reality. In my career I’ve certainly felt the expectations to dress, act, or speak a certain way. To some degree that’s fine, and to be expected. Any time you join a company it’s a two-way street—they have to accept you but you also have to accept them. If you work at a mega bank it’s going to be different than a tech startup.

However, no one should have to try to fit into a cookie-cutter mold to be accepted or succeed in the workplace. That’s a sure sign you’re in the wrong company and antithetical to the diverse and psychologically safe environments that modern businesses are aspiring to attain.

Of course, as soon as I knew there was something to write about, writer’s block set in. What is authenticity really, and when does it cross a line? I kept coming back to Ben Horowitz detailing his intentional and unintentional use of profanity in The Hard Thing About Hard Things. While he doesn’t directly address authenticity in his retelling of the story, it’s clear that he felt the most honest version of himself (and the tech industry as a whole) included some F-bombs. 

So if we’re constantly told to be ourselves and not worry about what other people think of us, when does keeping it real go wrong?  

I wasn’t sure, but I thought it was probably when you do so at the expense of other people. To be completely oblivious (or worse, be aware and just not care) about how your actions will affect others would be characteristic of low EQ… and it pays to have high Emotional Intelligence. Horowitz clearly does, as he thought through the situation carefully, putting himself in the shoes of those he might be offending, even if his decision wasn’t to change anything.